Am I Sure About This?

Um, wow.  Did I really just do that?  Did I seriously just join a writing group and sign up to write 50,000 words in the month of November?  I'd think I was hallucinating or something, but I've got the confirmation email to prove it.  

I guess I just got tired of wondering and waiting to see what would happen later on.  Stopped thinking about how much time I don't have and how much talent I may or may not have.  I decided to just dive in, and now I'm scared to death.  Scared that I might actually be able to swim.  

My husband said something that really hit me a few days ago:  "I think you're afraid that you might actually be successful.  You don't know what that would be like, so you sabotage yourself."

Ack!  Do I really do that?  

I do!  My philosophical mind has been mulling over it since.  I am subconsciously causing myself to fail, or at least not succeed.  I find road blocks, obstacles, issues, that make it "not worth the trouble."  And I'm sitting there thinking Why in the heck am I doing that?  I swear, I must have been crazy or something.  And, sure, I might have snapped and done something totally irrational.

But you know something?  I'm committed now.  In 100%, no matter what.  I'm telling myself that failure isn't an option.  Not a chance!  So, here we go.  Deep breath... and go.