Just call me a chicken...

a fraidy cat, a wuss.  I thought I'd gotten past this, at least to a point where I could function.  But, apparently, I am still petrified of needles.  Specifically needles going into things like my mouth.  I had a dentist appointment today to fix the last of my many problems for the moment, and was feeling relieved to get it over with.  I asked for the laughing gas, as usual, because it makes me not care that a very long and very sharp needle is going to be shoved into my mouth.  As an afterthought, I mentioned I'm pregnant - which makes the laughing gas a no-go.  Ack!  "I can handle this," I thought.  " I just won't look.  It works when they take my blood, and soon it will all be over."  I get reclined and ready to go, but fatally, tragically, I open my eyes at exactly the wrong moment.  I see the long, pointed end of the needle rapidly descending towards me and completely freak out, shaking, crying, and repeating over and over "I can't do it."  Luckily, I have an amazing dentist (who has been around many pregnant women before, he says) who quickly took the needle out of the room and handed me a few tissues so I could mop up my face.  We discussed some options, and found a way to get the necessary work done without having to use a needle to numb me.  

I publicly broke down today.  I cried in front of people whose names I don't know and who I don't know anything about.  And, guess what:  I'm still alive.  I always thought that public embarrassment like that would be the end of me, but it wasn't.  I'm not going to be afraid to go in that office again because I know that although I may not be "normal," I'm special.  I'm an amazing person who just happens to have a phobia of needles.  I coped.  I went home, hugged my baby, ate a huge amount of banana chips, grapes, and donut holes, and I coped.  I know that somehow I will get through what I need to.  Not because I'm brave, or strong, but because I'm human.  I am built to cope and move on.  It's kind of freeing, to know that I can get past whatever goes on with me.  And the adventure continues.